“What is the role of men in South Africa’s persisting gender-based violence (GBV)
crisis?”
That was the central question at the inaugural Men’s Conference hosted in
Strandfontein last week by the School of Hard Knocks (SoHK) – an event
deliberately held during Women’s Month to challenge men to step, stand up and
speak up, not only in August but beyond.
Against the backdrop of one of the highest GBV rates in the world, the conference
was a space for men of different ages and backgrounds to confront hard truths about
masculinity, accountability and the urgent need to break cycles of violence.
For SoHK, the conference is part of a broader initiative – Project #NxtGenMen,
supported by the Irish Embassy – that uses the power of sport and mentorship to
shift harmful gender norms, build healthier relationships and ultimately reduce
violence.
“Too often, it is women who are expected to speak out, protest and carry the burden
of driving change,” said SoHK chief executive Lana Rolfe, explaining why the men’s
conference was launched. “We need to create spaces where men themselves
interrogate their behaviours, speak honestly about their struggles, and commit to
being part of the solution.”
Rolfe explained that the NxtGenMen programme has grown from working with 140
men in 2022 to now reaching more than 5 000 men and boys across several
provinces with over 260 trained facilitators now running workshops in their own
communities.
The testimonies at the conference revealed how many men carry unspoken pain,
trauma and confusion about their roles, which sometimes manifest in harmful ways.

Myths of Masculinity
The opening session, presented by Lali Mili from Langa, was on “Exploring the
Myths of Masculinity”. He invited participants to reflect on the messages they grew
up with about “what it means to be a man.”
Some shared phrases like “men don’t cry” or “a man must always provide,” admitting
they had internalised these ideals even when they felt harmful. Others challenged
the notion that strength is only physical.
“If I could tell a younger boy one truth about masculinity,” one participant said, “it
would be that being a man is not about domination. It’s about respect and
responsibility.”

Discussions also explored how redefining masculinity could reshape homes, schools
and workplaces. The consensus: when boys grow up knowing vulnerability is not
weakness, society becomes safer and healthier.
For Wilfred Mackay, the SoHK journey was deeply personal.
“I went through many programmes before, but this one helped me learn things about
myself that I never realised,” he said. “I had to confront patterns I didn’t even know
were there – and that’s when change became possible.”

Relationships
Men also spoke candidly about challenges in maintaining healthy relationships,
especially in communities shaped by poverty, crime and trauma. Ashtivon Jansen, a
23-year-old from Hanover Park who left gangsterism and drugs behind, said opening
emotionally was his biggest lesson.
Just a few months ago, I was living a very different life,” he admitted. “I didn’t expect
to be here today. It’s not easy to get out — gangs don’t let you go freely. But I’ve
learned that men can’t keep everything bottled inside. You need to open up, even
when it’s hard. That’s what makes the difference.”
Another participant, Collin Engelbrecht, stressed that the conference was about
transformation.
“I came here because I want to be a game changer,” he said. “Too many men are
going down the wrong path. But every one of us has a chance to change, to move
forward with wisdom.”
The conversations often turned to fatherhood, and the legacies men leave behind.
For some, the absence of a positive male role model had left scars. For others,
reconciliation was a powerful theme.
One speaker recalled his estranged relationship with his son:
“For three years, my boy refused to speak to me. He told me: ‘You’re out saving the
world as a pastor, but you forgot about me.’ That broke me. But we have worked
through it, rebuilt our relationship, and now we’re even collaborating professionally.
That’s the kind of healing we need in families.”
Such honesty underscored a central message of the conference: that dismantling
GBV starts in the home, with men learning to model respect, responsibility and care.
Becoming “game changers”
In one of the most stirring addresses, motivational speaker Albert Matthews urged
participants to see themselves as “game changers” who can interrupt cycles of harm.
“I grew up with a father on drugs, a mother who was an alcoholic, and brothers in
gangsterism,” Matthews said. “I had every excuse to fail. But excuses don’t define

you — choices do. A game changer is someone who impacts one person’s life for
the better. That ripple effect can reach thousands.”
He likened the process to the migration of monarch butterflies, which takes four
generations to complete. “Change is not instant. Sometimes you won’t see the
results in your lifetime. But your responsibility is to keep the cycle moving, so that the
next generation can fly farther than you did.”
A recurring call was for men to become “interrupters” – people willing to step in when
violence, abuse or harmful behaviour surfaces.
“As men, we need to stop being bystanders,” one facilitator said. “Sometimes being
a game changer is not about doing something big – it’s about stopping something
small before it grows. If you see abuse, speak up. If you see your friend
disrespecting his partner, call him out. Interruption is action.”
This notion resonated strongly with younger men at the gathering. Ethan Barlow,
said he left with a clearer sense of responsibility: “I’ve learned tools to become wiser
and to step up. Sometimes we think being a man is about toughness. But real
strength is about protecting, listening and building.”

Shifting a culture of silence and violence

Throughout the day, participants reflected on how patriarchal norms had shaped
them. Many admitted that society had taught men to be silent about emotions and
struggles. That silence, they said, too often exploded in violence.
“We don’t talk about what hurt us, how we were raised, or how we were fathered,”
said one attendee. “That silence is killing us – and it’s killing women too. These
spaces allow us to unlearn, to talk, and to grow.”
For SoHK and its partners, the ultimate goal is cultural transformation. “Imagine the
next generation of South Africans growing up in a society where mutual respect
accountability and compassion between men and women is the norm,” Rolfe said.
“That’s the vision — but it will only happen if men are willing to do the work now.”
As the conference closed, participants stood together in agreement: ending GBV is
not a woman’s struggle alone. It is a men’s issue too, one that requires courage,
honesty and collective action.
“Enough is enough,” Matthews told the crowd in his final words. “We don’t need
perfect men. We need present men. Men who choose every day to change the game
instead of the game changing them.”